(update on blog post)
& outcome of Cornea Transplant Surgery
That is a perfect way to describe how I finally had to look at everything when I came out of surgery. When I came out of my corneal transplant they told me that they had to take my iris (the part of your eye that creates your eye color). When they got into the removal of my cornea for the transplant my existing iris had fused with my cornea. So… they had to take all of it. That was shocking to me. It was something I had not anticipated being a possibility. But it was now my reality. I will never have my brown eye back. EVER. Yes, possibly in the future I could get a colored contact to cosmetically look more normal, that’s only if my eye heals. But my eye will never naturally be the same. It’s weird. I had come to the realization that I may not see again, but I had thought I would look normal again. So now knowing that I would never look like my normal self again, and I may not see … was a BLOW. I sank into a funk for a while, bursting into tears very easily, just generally depressed. It wasn’t until I talked to one of my girlfriends that has dealt with breast cancer and the loss of her breast. She said.. I just had to surrender to what was happening. And so… that is what I have done. I could be mad, I could be bitter. But we all bear scars from life. And this will be one of mine. It’s like a battle scar. You only have this proof of life from living life. And for that I am always grateful, And I chose to surrender and be thankful.
I still cannot see out of my right eye. The last appointment was a little more positive. Your eye is supposed to have pressure between 12- 22. My eye has been very low. Like a 3. It is so low the machine used to measure the pressure can’t get a good reading. So, my doctor does it by his finger. So, the new reading is a “guesstimate”.. but it was around 8. Which is great news for me! So hopefully it will continue in a positive direction. They had been concerned that if it kept going down …basically my eye would just crash and burn.. DIE. But with it going up…. Maybe it will have a chance to live. It is really positive. Perhaps it will heal itself and I will get some sight back. That is my hope. To all of you that have prayed for me, I am so grateful, and I hope you will still keep me in your prayers because it is a long ways from over.
It has been overwhelming that support I have received and I am so very thankful to everyone. It means so much to me. I just keep hoping and praying I will one day see again out of my right eye.
I have to surrender that there will be a new me. Different, but it doesn’t make me any worse. Just embattled. Scars. Life is full of scars. And this is one of mine.
I now look back at photos( like the one below- pre parasite invasion) and get a little misty. I loved my eyes. It is hard to not have one of them after 48 years of having it. So …you can say goodbye to my old eyes! But I’m still me, just a little scarred, but not beaten.!! I will continue to try to be thankful and grateful for this wonderful life I live!